Dear Diary
by Kimitsuzue
Summary: When I turned to see what I was so desperately trying to escape--my resolves melted and all I could do was embrace this selfish, arrogant, manipulative boy who would smirk and shake his head. "I told you," he murmured darkly, "you'll always be mine..."
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. All rights belong to its original creator, Masashi Kishimoto, along with Viz and others. All likenesses and similarities between real life situations, other fanfictions, etc. are not intentional and just a coincidence. Copyright infringement is not intended.**

Hello! All this time I've been writing mostly Sasuke and Sakura fanfictions, but I decided to make a change with this one. :) In fact, it's Hinata and Sasuke! I've always adored the pairing but never had a chance to write anything for it until now, so I'm hoping you guys will like this. Umm, anyways, this is told from Hinata's point of view and the storyline won't be making too many references to the series other than the first half, so Shippuuden will not really be included, although I may have some Akatsuki characters appear...but I'm sure most of you guys know them anyways. I just try to keep my fanfictions as accessible as possible, even to those who haven't watched or read all of the series. :)

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**Dear Diary...**

**Prologue**

Maybe it was stupid... to be so nervous, to worry about _everything_... but, something inside just made me tense up and blank out, as if parts of my memory were disappearing and fading away. No—more like, those memories were being covered up, like words on a page scratched out violently by a pen. Even so, the thought of turning the page frightened me. I didn't want to see the imprint that would undoubtedly be there when I looked to the other side. But at the same time, I wanted to remember him, this boy who smiled at me casually and spoke quiet, careful sentences. The one whose obsidian eyes stared longingly at me as if caressing every little detail of my being, almost as though he were engraving the image on his heart... He would brush his hand over mine and chuckle a little, assuring me that everything was alright and that I could rest easy.

I would let a gentle smile pass over my face, the curve of my lips subtle and slow, savoring every moment as if it would be the last... and then I would thank him, voice barely above a whisper. And while the moments seemed so perfect and everything appeared so vibrant and real, it was just a dream.

The fact was that I wanted to get away. I wanted to run and escape—leave everything behind, but the image of that boy chased after me; _haunted_ me. Though it was nothing like the Sasuke I had come to know... In fact, the image was the exact opposite. Dark, and seemingly dangerous, it made my heart speed and my body tremble, but somehow it pulled me in, _invited_ and _enticed_ me to draw nearer and reach out... but the image would always retreat as though it were teasing me, _mocking_ me.

Eventually I grew tired of chasing, and fell to the floor like a broken doll. Bits and pieces of me would be trampled and scattered across the concrete and I wouldn't even bother to protest. _It's better like this_, is what I told myself, lying there quietly, numbing myself to the pain and closing out the rest of the world as I fell into an abyss. Then suddenly the inky blackness started to thin and I retreated even further into the darkness until I realized that there was nowhere else to go and that all this time, I had been going in circles.

The moment I turned around to face what I was so desperate to get away from, all my resolves melted and everything flipped around as I ran back from where I came—into the arms of that lying, manipulative, _arrogant_ boy who somehow always managed to be wherever I needed him. No matter what I did or said, he would always smirk and lightly shake his head, "I told you so," he would murmur darkly, "you'll always be mine."

**End of Prologue**

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Heehee, I think possessiveness is what I love the most about Sasuke... and I intend to exploit that quality of his a lot in this fanfiction. :) Anyways, I know this is short but it's just the prologue and I'm really hoping to crank out more chapters in the coming weeks. Just as long as school doesn't get in the way _too_ much. :) Well, anyways, I really hope you guys enjoyed this, so thank you for reading and please tell me what you think!

Also excuse the really lame title. D8 At the very least, I can assure you that it has relevance to the story and will be explained soon. o_O;;


	2. Rainy Days

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.**

Hello! First of all, I want to thank all of you guys who read and reviewed the prologue! I was really happy that you guys liked it! Anyways, I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter, but I know a lot of you are still wondering what exactly is going on in here, but this chapter sort of explains it. :) I think I'll add a full summary in the prologue, though not now because it's really late right now, so it'll probably be up within a few days but until then, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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**Dear Diary...**

**Chapter 1: Rainy Days**

Cool, damp, air circulated throughout my room, a dark blue veil masking over my vision as I stared beyond the frigid glass window, crystal droplets of water sliding over the slippery surface on the other side. My mind was blank, empty, calm, _clean_ of everything that didn't belong there, or at least, _shouldn't_ have belonged there... I turned my gaze from the wet and dreary scenery outside to the ceiling, staring in silence before finally daring a glance—a tiny _peek_ at the little, weathered book sitting atop my bedside table.

Looking at the muted brown leather, the fringed pages, and the dulled metal clasp made my heart jump. Nearly everything I had ever experienced, felt, or even dreamed of was locked up in that small book... but every time I flipped it open and let my fingers brush across the slightly crinkled surface, I stared at the words embedded into the pages with glassy eyes and the world disappeared around me.

I would pause to reread a sentence and my grip would tighten ever so slightly as I tried to let the words sink in... but all of it felt foreign. It was _my_ diary, _my_ feelings, _my_ _**everything**__... _I slammed the book shut and let it drop to the floor... _If this is mine... why does it feel like someone __**else**__? _

My heart felt like a page torn from a book—damaged, ruined, rejected, and torn from the rest of by body—isolated._._ I held a sigh and felt a weight set itself upon my shoulders.

This book was _supposed_ to be mine, but was it really? I kicked my feet over the edge of my bed and stared long and hard at it before reaching out with unsteady hands, careful as if the book would bite at me if I moved too quickly or too slowly.

When I could feel the cool leather beneath the palm of my hand, I let my fingers curl around the binding, caressing it—petting it as though it would be more pleasant to handle if I stopped to think and let my mind wander... with a deep breath, I finally lifted the book into my lap and traced my fingers over the unlocked clasp before slowly pulling the cover up and revealing the first page.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's amazing how quickly time has passed. I'm already starting my tenth book... I remember when I wrote in my very first diary ten years ago—when I was only eight years old. I wrote silly things about doing chores, training, and meeting new people, but isn't it funny how those little things are what I remember most?_

A small part of me felt like laughing humorlessly—laughing at the little girl that I used to be only ten years ago... and laughing at how two-faced I was over the recent years. While everyone around me had come to know the timid, quiet, shy, and modest Hinata, the one in the diary spoke out, lived confidently, and didn't care about anything—but undeniably, both were part of me... I skipped a few pages and continued reading in silence.

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm always played the fool, aren't I? I sit back and nod my head in agreement to whatever someone asks and just tell them everything they want to hear... why am I like this? Why can't I step up and speak out—do anything I want on just an impulse?_

_I saw today, how Sakura could just walk right up to Sasuke and ask him out on a date. While she **has** been chasing after him for the past few years, wasn't she nervous at all? Afraid to be rejected? Or is it just me? Maybe there's something wrong with me... because I can't find my voice and speak out like that... I want to be able to do that and talk to Naruto._

I pursed my lips together and felt the tears begin to form in my eyes as I swallowed and kept reading the same name over and over again in my head... _Naruto_. I felt my hands begin to tremble slightly and my nerves started to tighten like a coiled wire as I flipped through countless pages about wanting to talk to him, and get to know him—to love him and to be with him... and then I reached the final pages of the diary, far more crinkled than the others—the pages I had tried to tear out only days ago but couldn't find the strength to.

_Dear Diary,_

_I talked to him today... I finally asked him if he would go out with me sometime. I was a nervous wreck, I couldn't stop trembling, blushing, twiddling my fingers, and looking away. I was completely embarrassed and no matter how assuring his smile was at first, it all went away as soon as I blurted out my question._

"_Would you, like to have lunch with me sometime?" I asked softly, not even looking him in the face as I barely managed to stutter out the words. When I didn't receive a reply and the silence stretched on uncomfortably I glanced up worriedly, heart sinking._

_He gave me a sad smile, full of regret and almost pity. "Hinata," he said quietly, letting a hand rest on my shoulder. "There's... I already have someone—a person I really love," he whispered._

_Suddenly he felt more like an older brother to me, but still, the feeling of my heart breaking apart didn't stop, and all I could do was turn away to hide the burning tears. "It's alright," I mumbled, "I understand." With that, I left him and walked away—turned the corner on the next street and broke out into a run._

_I felt like such an idiot. Of course he still loved Sakura... he always did... and while I put up a front and took the rejection gracefully, I came home and slammed my door like a spoiled child. I locked it and threw myself on the bed before crying my heart out and now I'm here... writing on these pages. I don't want to become a jealous girl, an ugly one who can't accept rejection... but I feel such hatred._

_I-_

I closed the book. I didn't want to read this—I didn't want to know this side of me, this _selfish_, _horrible, lying, two-faced_ girl who lived on lies and loved a man who already had someone special. I didn't want to know this part of me—I just didn't want it to be a part of me. How could I love someone like him, who lived so honestly and continued to pursue a woman who had long since left him behind? His innocence—the one trait that had made me love him all these years—had somehow become the catalyst for my own evolution, and even my destruction.

_Knock, knock, knock!_

"Hinata, are you... awake?" Neji's voice slipped through the walls and snapped me out of my daydream. I just stared at the door, as though he would knowingly respond. "Hinata..." He let his fist tap against the wooden door once again and I made myself wake up from the daze I was trapped in.

"I—I'm coming!" I jumped off the bed and walked halfway across the room before realizing that I was still holding the diary. I frowned deeply and exhaled before turning back around to shove the book beneath my bed. I didn't want to have to see it again, but something made me want to keep it... maybe as a guide to keep me from straying and becoming the hideous self that I locked up inside of it... I opened the door.

"Hinata..." Neji looked worried as he took in the slightly messy and rather dark appearance of my room. He seemed to brush the thought aside and put his focus back on me, his gray-white eyes looking down at me with slight concern. "You have a visitor," he said softly.

A visitor? Nobody had ever visited me—at least not anybody aside from family members, but even so... who could it be? I was about to step out of my room when Neji suddenly glanced off to the side, slightly worriedly. Out of nowhere my cousin was pushed aside by a gentle, but firm hand—one that was far too familiar to me and caused my gaze to steady involuntarily upon the figure that moved into my line of vision... I ended up face to face with bright cerulean eyes, filled with an unidentifiable type of uncertainty. "Hinata..."

I flinched backwards and my pulse quickened, almost causing me to lose my balance and fall as if the floor had disappeared beneath me. He wasn't supposed to be here—he was supposed to leave me alone, not chase after me like some sort of clueless, abandoned puppy! But then, somehow his name passed through my lips, "Naruto..." Realizing my mistake, I gasped and immediately sent my gaze downwards.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw his body relax, tension leaving his body as he inched closer and reached out to rest his hand on my shoulder. "I didn't think I'd see you again," he sighed, thumb rubbing over the material of my jacket.

_Just smile,_ I told myself, forcing a happy—if not strained, expression; my eyes still glued to the floor. "T-that's... it's just a little unlucky," I mumbled vaguely, feeling my heart slow—like the eye of a hurricane passing over a panicked and disoriented city. Maybe this was a good thing—to be able to talk things out and finally clear the air.

He let his hand slip down until he was holding my hand within his own. "Hinata I—" He paused mid-sentence to glance back at Neji, motioning with his head for my cousin to take his leave.

Neji's eyes flickered towards me for an instant before he simply closed them and sighed softly, turning and walking away with a less than ecstatic expression tormenting his features.

Naruto turned back to me and gave my hand an assuring squeeze, clear blue eyes seeing straight through me. "I know this isn't what you want," he muttered, lowered lashes casting gray shadows over his cheeks. He raised his other hand to my face and gently stroked the pad of his thumb over my cheek. "I'm really an idiot," he admitted quietly.

I felt a stab at my heart, like a part of me was being ripped away and squeezed almost painfully tight. "W-what are you...?" Was this this supposed to be some sort of guilt trip? He wouldn't do it on purpose... right? No—he was just being himself... I bit my tongue, thinking about the irony of the situation. Naruto's innocence and straightforwardness were two of the many qualities that had drawn me to him at first, and now they were the very same qualities causing bitter emotions to rise dangerously high within my being.

"I can see what you see," he mumbled, stroking my palm as he stared down at it. "I know that Sakura has eyes for Sasuke—I've always known, but it doesn't stop me from chasing after her, you know?" He shifted his weight around and without a second thought I lifted my head to look him right in the eyes. He was being honest, and it made my heart ache softly, not in pain or sadness, but in longing and sympathy. I was blind to it all—how much he loved Sakura, and just how alike we truly were.

The two of us were both after people who couldn't be reached. For him, it was the effervescent pinkette with the loud mouth and even louder colored hair, and for me it was him—the funny, determined, prankster of a boy who had become an honest and hard-working man right before my very eyes. Perhaps the entire situation had just set us up for a relationship stronger than acquaintances, less than lovers, but somehow more than friends—a twisted combination of everything. "I told you," I whispered, "I'm fine with this."

He withdrew his warm hand from mine and lifted it to caress my cheek. "I know it's silly to chase her, but don't you think it would be even sillier for me to be with you? You should be out with someone better, who isn't as stupid as I am to let you go like this," he chuckled.

His words calmed my nerves and put my heart at ease. "You're right," I managed to joke, "I should hurry up and find my special someone." I reached up for his hand and relished in the feel for an instant before pulling it away from me carefully, watching him smile honestly.

He cocked his head slightly with a lopsided grin plastered onto his face. "I guess I should be on the lookout for you then, huh? There are a lot of guys out there who aren't good enough for you," he laughed.

I couldn't help a smile and a giggle at his jokes. The way things were turning out really was better than what I had expected from his visit. Still, I had no intention of searching for new love anytime soon... then again, for me, nothing ever went as planned. Especially in love.

Right before I could manage my reply, a puff of smoke appeared behind Naruto and another familiar figure stepped into view, obsidian eyes landing on me the moment the smoke cleared away. "What's going on?" It was the younger Uchiha, the one Sakura was still pining after...

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted exaggeratedly. "Sasuke, you weren't supposed to come after me," he whined loudly.

Sasuke sent him a glare. "If you didn't want me to follow you, you shouldn't have been such a dumb ass by running off without saying anything," Sasuke muttered.

Naruto hunched over and gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry Hinata, looks like I have to follow _him._"

Sasuke paused and kept his gaze trained on me. I tried not to look away or press my fingers together as he stared. Was there something I missed? He just kept staring, causing my nerves to jumble up again.

"Naruto... go on ahead, I'll catch up."

Huh? Was Sasuke planning to... stay? The idea itself was absurd and absolutely strange. He had never looked at me twice before, and now he was standing at my door, telling Naruto to leave. _Don't go!_ I didn't want to be left alone with Sasuke, something about the mysterious, stoic man had always sent my alarms off.

Naruto didn't notice anything and simply nodded in my direction before disappearing in a cloud of white smoke. "I-is there a problem...?" I stuttered out quietly, almost sounding afraid. I wanted to slap myself. Surely Sasuke was laughing uncontrollably in his mind at my tone of voice.

He stepped closer and suddenly let his finger hook beneath my chin, coaxing me to look him in the eyes. He stared long and hard for what felt like hours before drawing backwards and scoffing. "I still don't see it," he muttered.

_See what?_ I thought, instantly, slightly disturbed by his actions. "E-excuse me, but what are you-"

"I don't see how someone like _you_ is the Hyuuga heiress," he interrupted rudely, challenging me with those cold obsidian eyes of his. His expression was mocking, but it lit a fire in me and I let out my frustration.

"I won't be heiress," I muttered simply. "Hanabi will—she'll replace me, it's only a matter of time... but what does it matter to you anyways?"

He raised a brow, but a smirk slowly graced his lips. "Now _that's_ interesting," he mumbled, clearly finding something amusing about my anger. "Isn't it funny how you're such a quiet, timid, cute little girl in front of Naruto, but with me... you become such a feisty one, biting back and telling me off?" he brought his hand up to caress my face, taking a lock of my hair between his fingers as he looked down on me with that mischievous gleam in his eyes. "It's not so bad, you know?"

I stepped back and slapped his hand away. "What are you talking about?" Was it finally showing? The other side of me... the ugly side? I held my hand against my heart, feeling it convulse.

He noticed me trembling and chuckled darkly. "You think it's a bad thing, don't you?"

I froze. "What?"

"To lose your temper," he replied, leaning against the frame of the door nonchalantly. "You may be prepared to relinquish your title as heiress, but you can't deny that you were raised to be like one—quiet, respectful, patient, and everything else that makes a 'perfect' wife... but to be quite honest, that's just plain _boring_."

I tried to shrink away from him as he inched closer, his intense, heated gaze, trapping me and pinning me to where I stood. This man used to be the boy who shoved girls away without a second thought, never caring for their feelings or even respecting them—even now he held no respect towards anyone and held only himself in high regards.

..but although he had gained a reputation for being reliable, strong, and highly intelligent in battle, he had also gained a reputation for being an arrogant, calculating, selfish, womanizer who only cared about himself. Why was he even bothering with me if he had so many other women in the palm of his hands?

"It's a shame that you had to go to waste," he shook his head lightly, locks of his jet-black hair swaying with the movement.

"If this is some sort of trick to get me to be like all those other women you keep on handy, you should leave," I muttered weakly, trying to force the door closed to push him out.

He grabbed the door and shoved it back open with great force, stepping even closer until our bodies were almost pressed together. "I don't need more of those," he muttered, towering over me as he rested his hands on my shoulders, leaning down until our foreheads almost touched. "All I want is more power, and to be quite honest I'm not interested in becoming a pedophile and chasing after your little sister."

I glared and pressed my hands against his chest to push him away. "I said it earlier—I'm not becoming heiress. Hanabi will replace me and-"

"How do you know?" He took my wrists into his callused hands and removed them from his body. "You could always get stronger and leave Hanabi below you."

"But I won't. I'm... not interested in becoming heiress I-"

He pulled me close, arms wrapping around me in a loose embrace. "What if I _made_ you want to become heiress?"

The warmth of his body encased me and shrouded my senses in a cloudy, almost pleasurable sensation that caused a spark to travel down my spine. His actions were sending my body into a wave of heat but as I stood there in his arms, my mind started screaming at me to push him away, alarms going off louder than ever...still, something about his proposal made me curious and I couldn't help but bite my lip as I thought over his words, letting them repeat in my head. "I'm _not_ like those women you use and throw away," I reminded, trying to ignore the feel of his body pressed close to mine.

He drew imaginary circles at the small of my back as he spoke, "You don't have to be... you can think of me as—" he paused to think. "Think of me as your employer," he decided. "I know you aren't interested in being heiress or inheriting the Hyuuga fortune, but _I_ want the power that comes with marrying a Hyuuga, especially one like yourself..."

His answer made me want to tell him off and slap him. Every rumor I had heard about him was probably true. The lies, scheming, _everything_ fell into place. "How despicable... you're so power-hungry that you'd marry someone you don't love or even _know_?"

"I don't have room for _love_ unless it's for power," he stated simply, pulling me closer.

I turned my face away from him, unable to concentrate with his stare. "You'll have to find it somewhere else, then."

I felt his hand at the back of my head and before I knew what had happened, he had his lips pressed against mines almost possessively. Impossible heat traveled throughout my veins and all I couldn't even think to push him away. There was just that something about him that convinced me that this wasn't just about what _he_ wanted...

When he pulled away he brushed the hair out of my eyes and chuckled. "Think about my proposal and we'll talk later... decide if you really have _nothing_ to gain from whatever this plan could bring." He released me and made his way to the door, turning back to make a quick comment, "by the way," he said, "I enjoyed the kiss."

He disappeared and I felt my knees buckle below me. There was no doubt now, I was already trapped in his web of schemes and he had no intention of letting me get away anytime soon... and that kiss... I traced my lips with my index finger, feeling the lingering warmth. My first kiss was... nothing how I had planned. It was anything but innocent—it was deep, sensual, possessive—and yet all that night, I couldn't think of a single, honest reason to hate it. _Maybe something really **is** wrong with me_... _but I want to see him again, _I thought.

As I lay in bed, looking out at the rainy streets once more, I let his name slip from my lips and I closed my eyes, imagining what he could possibly be thinking of. "Sasuke..." Maybe there could be more to that plan of his...

**End of Chapter 1**

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I know that a lot of this chapter was talking and sort of my little brief on what exactly is going on here, but please stay with me on this! I promise you that the story will start picking up the pace soon! Anyways, thank you for reading, please let me know what you think! And once again, thanks to all the support for the story so far!


	3. Reality Check

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. All rights belong to its original creator, Masashi Kishimoto, along with Viz and others. All likenesses and similarities between real life situations, other fanfictions, etc. are not intentional and just a coincidence. Copyright infringement is not intended.**

It's been a year... almost an entire _year_ since I have updated this, and I can't apologize enough to all of you who bothered to read this. I never intended to be gone for so long, honestly, even with school and other things getting in the way I have no excuse for being absent for an entire year. I know this chapter is really short, but it's been a long, _long_ process. I spent the year wondering what to do with this story and I still don't quite like how it's turning out.

Anyways, after all this time I finally decided to write out the story between Hinata's and Sasuke's perspectives, but predominantly Hinata's. I'm not sure if it's a strange method of storytelling or not, I picked up the idea from the Boogiepop novels by Kouhei Kadono and I liked the way it let the plot unfold in bits, rather than the plain conflict-solution or from one of those omniscient point of views. I'll be tacking on the point of view below the titles from now on.

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**Dear Diary**

**Sasuke  
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**Chapter 2: Reality Check**

The pavement crackled below my sandals, sending shocks of sound throughout the silent neighborhood. It was already late into the night, and cool ribbons of wind constantly nipped at my skin while the scent of wet earth and sweet grass blew past me.

The dimly lit streets were bathed in orange, glowing eerily in the blackness of the night. Puddles of rainwater were scattered about, reflecting light in every direction and signaling the end of the paved road. The further I walked, the darker the night became.

Taking smaller steps with caution, I walked until my foot collided gently with a familiar elevation of stone. I took a single step up and reached out for the metal handle, twisting it and shoving the heavy door open in one motion.

The air was stale, and the insides of the place were as dark, if not _darker_ than the outside. Sliding my hand along the textured wall, I found the light switch and flipped it on with a heavy weight in my chest. Lighted or not, the house was still cold and dreary; isolated and essentially _lonely_.

No matter how many nights—no matter how many years passed, the feeling never faded; that same emptiness was still settled against my ribcage like an irremovable tumor, pulsing with a deep and sturdy _thump_ along with a matching ache.

I could tell myself to ignore it, the way I'd been doing for the recent months, but something about tonight was different. I felt somehow broken or maybe just restless, but either way, I didn't have the strength to ignore the thoughts cluttering my mind.

A feeling of anxiousness was settled alongside that tumor this time, and the result was beating against my chest almost painfully.

_Turn it into hate; into power!_

I told myself that every night, determined to one day draw the blade that cuts _him _down. I wanted more than anything in the world to bring his life to an end with my very own hands; to let him taste the bitter-sweetness of death, and make him grovel at my feet to remove the taste from his very lips... but each night passed and the anxiousness swelled up and pressed against me; no matter how many times I told myself I'd get my revenge, it never came.

I knew though, that perhaps it would _never_ be so; that unlike fairy tales the real world was harsh and cruel, sometimes without happy endings. Win or lose, nothing in between.

**End of Chapter 2**

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**Again, I sincerely apologize for the lack of updates and for the shortness of this chapter. I'm doing my best to get back on track with this fanfiction as well as keeping up in school; I'm at that point where college is looming ahead and there are all those damn decisions to make. I have no idea what to do with my life yet so hopefully I'll find something soon. Anyways, thank you for reading and please let me know what you think of the whole perspective idea! I'll be aiming to post up the next chapter by next month at latest!**  
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